Fighting Cancer
As times goes on, I see my perspective changing little by little. I wonder if I am moving beyond sadness and preparing to fight this illness. I’m beginning to feel angry and that is probably a good thing. Frankly, I find people who constantly feel sorry for themselves annoying. I realize that’s exactly how I’ve been acting these last few months though. I knew it while it was happening but I just couldn’t seem to bring myself out of it.
Now, in a very literal sense, I feel as if I want to fight. I feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. My teeth are clenched and my hands have formed fists. If I could kick the crap out of her cancer right now, I would do it. I wouldn’t hesitate.
I can’t though.
The problem is that I don’t know how. I wonder if anyone really does. I don’t know how this physiological response translates to the type of fight I actually need to fight. I always hear people say that they are fighting cancer but I really don’t know what that means. It seems to me, we sit back and allow cancer to do what it does. What other choice do we have? How on earth can we possibly fight it? What exactly do we have to do to fight it?
I don’t know. I don’t have any idea. If you do, please fill me in. I need to figure out what I can actually do to fight this. I need someone to tell me how I can save her.
- Posted in: Uncategorized
- Tagged: attack, chemotherapy, childhood cancer, fight, illness, leukemia, sadness, strength, thoughts
healingmaya 
You are very strong Jo-Ann I admire your courage and strength through this trying time.
I know it’s difficult to see the work God is doing in your life but I can see you growing from a distance.. keep pushing.. you got this..
I appreciate that Meagan. Thank you!
Joann, you and your family have been incredibly strong..and the only thing I have found to work is a positive attitude, the one in which you are embodying, when people say they are fighting cancer, they are fighting with this, it is one of the real weapons they have. And you are right, it is not FAIR that Maya is sick and I hope that she feels better AsAP!
Thanks Fran!
Love. Love is the answer. You need to feel whatever you are feeling, acknowledge it and accept it. If you are afraid, terrified, numb, overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, ready to fight, you need to feel it, share it, express it and accept it. But remember, I was told by a very wise person, that in the end, we heal with love. You may need to be in a fighting mode and you fight. Fight for your daughter, fight for your baby. Our children our the LOVES of our lives. Fight for your love. It is my hope and my prayer that you will find some peace while you are fighting. We are all sending you whatever you need. We LOVE you.
Love you Cathy. Thank you.